In a world where no two personalities are identical, does the concept of a "norm" even exist?
I hear the question "is this normal?" or even the assertion "that's just not normal! I'm not normal!" incredibly often during sessions, and it can be about anything at all.
Usually, in childhood, society instills in us the concepts of normal/abnormal, right/wrong. This makes sense, as it keeps society within the bounds of certain rules, laws, etc. However, outside of situations where it is truly necessary to clearly define where the norm ends (for instance, it's not normal to hit someone), such a definition is gladly used for control where it is simply convenient, but not at all necessary.
And of course—for controlling a child who then grows up into an equally controlled adult. It really is very convenient: when adults can't handle a misbehaving child, out comes "what kind of abnormal child are you!", and the feeling of shame for being "wrong" makes the child obedient. Granted, later on, this toxic shame haunts them for a lifetime and takes a long, painful effort to peel off in therapy.
But let's think about it: what is the norm? Take character traits. What is this "norm" when among 7 billion people you won't find two who are identical? Whatever we call the norm, almost all of the 7 billion will be a non-norm—simply because we are all different individuals.
And who defines that very norm or rightness? Why does the opinion of some random person suddenly become decisive and more important than one's own?
And so, because of an absolutely groundless feeling of shame imposed since childhood for one's nonexistent "wrongness," one has to struggle for a long and tedious time afterward.
